رئيس، تفنگ رُ به مرد 45 ساله ميده و ميگه: «برو تو اتاق و همسرت رُ بکش!» مرد 45 ساله ميره تو اتاق، صداي سه تا شليک مياد و بعد صداي دعوا و زد و خورد. رئيس ميپره ميره تو اتاق، و ميبينه زنش مُرده، رو زمين افتاده. ميپرسه: «چه اتفاقي افتاده؟» مرد 45 ساله ميگه: «احمق ها تير مشقي (تيري که فقط صدا داره و گلوله نداره) تو تفنگ گذاشته بودن؛ مجبور شدم خفه ش کنم تا بميره!»
The CIA
The director of the CIA has to test three new agents, a 25-year-old, a 35-year-old, and a 45-year-old. He puts each of their wives in a different room. He hands the 25-year-old a gun and says, "Go into the room and kill your wife." The 25-year-old says, "I can't do it. I love her too much." The director hands the gun to the 35-year-old and says, "Go into the room and kill your wife." The 35-year-old goes into the room, comes out after five minutes, and says, "I can't do it."
The director hands the gun to the 45-year-old and says, "Go into the room and kill your wife." The 45-year-old goes into the room. Three shots ring out, and then there's the sound of scuffling and fighting. The director runs into the room and sees the wife dead on the floor. He says, "What happened?" The 45-year-old says, "Some idiot put blanks in the gun, so I had to choke her to death!"
جوک هاي انگليسي معمولاً يخ هستن. اندر اونا همه چيزشون فرمال و رو حساب و کتابه که مثلاً از يه کار مسخره (که واسه ما عاديه) کلي مي خندن. در هر حال اين هم يه جوک جالب بدون ترجمه:
A Priest was seated next to a Queenslander on a flight to Canberra . After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Queenslander asked for a Bundy rum and Coke, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the priest if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips. The Queenslander then handed his drink back to the attendant and said Me too. I didn't know we had a choice.